once again..

FEAR:an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat......

the definition of fear as stated above seems pretty straight to the point.however fear can be more then that standard webster dictionary definition.i could attempt to go through the numerous reasons as to why someone would hold fear.like failing a big test.messing up something that seems perfect or possibly even fear of failure.if i had to think about it i could venture to say that everyone in this world in at least one instant has felt some sort of fear.

i normally do not do this but i am fearful for a lot of things.i am afraid of disappointment, well disappointing my parents or my fiance's parents or even my fiance' for that matter.having strived to be a perfectionist i fear things not being in order or messing up.i am deathly afraid of rejection.i am afraid to be alone.to not have a way to my finishing goal.i fear that maybe one day everyone in the world will just see that i am not always strong, that sometimes i cry, and that deep down i get nervous with everything that i do.

all the fear that i have had for the past couple months today i sat in my room.i stared at the unenthusiastic stucco based ceiling and contemplated all of the numerous things i should and should not do.the fear i have had just began to overcome my whole demeanor.i was unable to focus or put forth an effort in any daily activity.i sat staring at the ceiling and finally i did the best thing i could....i prayed...

my biggest prayer was for answers.i spoke with God in the most straight forward way that i knew how.the questions i asked him pilled on.i spoke with him as if He was right there with me.and then i sat, i waited for an answer.i did not know what it was i needed to do to get a response.but finally it hit me like a ton of bricks.God has always been with me.i was never alone.He set all of my fear in its place.the good Lord reassured me that in the end no matter what i do i could never disappoint him.

so there it was..all of my questions answered.there for i have decided to play softball again.once again i am venturing into a sport that fills my heart with excitement.who knows when try outs are.but when they come i will be ready.my biggest challenge will perhaps hit me when i least expect it.it may come tomorrow or years down the road.but at this moment i will continue to speak with God because He is with me here and now...